


They come to life when you're not looking

by storiesfortravellers



Category: Leverage
Genre: Badass Inanimate Objects, Crack, Dolls, Fluff, Gen, Holidays, Humor, Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-12
Updated: 2012-10-12
Packaged: 2017-11-16 03:48:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/535151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU where they are all dolls on a toyshop shelf, but they still work as a team. Humorfic and, obviously, CRACK.</p>
            </blockquote>





	They come to life when you're not looking

**Author's Note:**

> Written for comment-fic on Livejournal.
> 
> Prompt was teamfic, they're all dolls on a shelf

"You're just a toy for nerds," snarked G.I. Joe at the figure above him.  
The cyborg action figure answered, "Hey, I am a collectible item capable of over 250 complete sentences taken directly from the original film. And you know how I can do that? Because I have an advanced computer chip in my head. Not solid plastic. A computer chip!"

"Yeah, like you need the extra help talking too much," grumbled G.I. Joe, "And I bet those movie quotes come in handy with all the women you'll never get your cold robot hands on."

"Cyborg! A cyborg is not the same as a robot!! I am not telling you this again! And besides, everyone knows chicks DIG cyborgs!" he responded.

They heard a snort from the Luna doll nearby, as she said, "From what I hear, neither of you have anything but smooth surface down there anyway!"

"What is wrong with you!" the cyborg protested as GI Joe jumped up and down and yelled, "Did you hear that? Do you hear the kind of things she says? There is something wrong with doll. Manufacturing problem or somethin'!"

"Enough chitchat," the brunette from the Bob Mackie Barbie case said, "Let's focus here, people."

"You're not even a real Barbie," muttered GI Joe, "Just a really good counterfeit designed to chip into Mattel's market."

"Okay, enough with the bickering!" yelled Raggedy Andy from the top shelf, leaning over so far he almost fell to the floor. "The toystore just closed! Everyone stick to the plan!"

Joe kicked out the plastic sheet that kept him in his box and then freed the others in a similar manner. He then rappelled to the floor, stuck a pin right through the shoe into the night manager's foot, sending him scurrying off to the other room in search of a bandaid. "Barbie" went over to chat up the teddy bears, while Luna squealed with joy as she jumped across the aisle to the cash register. Luna couldn't help but take a quick dive in the cashbox before retrieving the needed keys.

Just as the night manager was returning to the floor, the teddy bears, believing their cubs to be under attack for some reason, attacked the night manager all at once, throwing their plushy bodies against him and disorienting so thoroughly that he vowed right there to never drink again.

The team rushed to the door to the storeroom, which they used the key to open. They scurried to the shipping area used to deliver toys to people who ordered toys online. The cyborg hopped around the computer keyboard, gathering and then entering information, until they had printed out a destination on a label, which they stuck on a box. They all jumped in the box then, with Luna managing to squeeze in last, in just the right way so as to tape up the box flaps behind them.

"You're sure you got the house right?" Barbie asked.

"Positive," the cyborg answered. "House with five kids. Happy, stable, not enough money for a lot of toys, so the box will say we're from Santa. I'm telling you, they are gonna love us."

"There are boys at this house, right?" GI Joe asked, "Because if it's 5 girls, I'm just gonna end up wearing 'Barbie's' clothes and marrying you guys like every day."

"That's very sexist," Luna said, "If I were a young girl, I wouldn't put a dress on you, I'd rip your limbs off and tie you to a firecracker."

"There's something wrong with her manufacturing," Joe mumbled again.

The cyborg answered, "I promise you - 3 boys and 2 girls, nice kids, who love love LOVE their toys and really deserve some new ones," and added, with a smile, "And when has the awesomeness of my cyborg research skills ever let us down?"

"We're all going to be fine," Raggedy Andy said, "I promise you. No more stores, no more cellophane boxes. From now on, the world is our Dreamhouse."


End file.
